


The Improper Consumption of an Eclair

by JoseyxNeko



Series: Cursed Crack Universe [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Crowley is more than understanding- he's obscenely eager, Food Sex, Humor, I apparently didn't repent enough, Multi, Other, Still worse than Shark Porn, WELL HERE YOU GO, What the Hell are you doing with those pastries?!, You like Crack with sequels?, You might never look at an Eclair the same way again, getting caught in the act, i am so so sorry, it happened again, sex with food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22450732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko
Summary: Crowley's has long suspected that Aziraphale's relationship with food may be less the professional. His suspicion is confirmed when he walks in on the Angel during the dessert course.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Food, The Bentley/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Cursed Crack Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615465
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42
Collections: The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS





	The Improper Consumption of an Eclair

**Author's Note:**

> This weeks prompt was 'Aziraphale enjoys his food just a bit too much.' We were informed to 'go wild', which is great, because I have a distinct inability to adhere to the 300 word suggested limit.
> 
> This is what I ended up with.
> 
> Enjoy!

Crowley had been unbelievably relieved when Aziraphale had accepted his...quirk, when it came to the Bentley. But, hypocritically, he was beginning to have his own concerns when it came to Aziraphale and his own...quirk.

Crowley had dutifully ignored it for years, well before the Not-End-of-the-World. It had been so obvious; staring him in the face. It started in Rome with the Oysters, and only became more apparent from then on.

Aziraphale had a _thing_ for food.

Not a normal thing. Not a **foodie** thing.

The _noises_ that man shaped being made as he was enjoying a rare delicacy or fine dessert were positively obscene. No one enjoyed their food that much and didn’t get some sort of response in their Effort area, as evident by the times Crowley had peaked a look whilst Aziraphale was happily chatting, pink cheeked, to a server, only to be pitching a poorly concealed tent.

It all came to a head one evening when Crowley was done _servicing_ the Bentley, and, feeling particularly riled up from the days maintenance, was ready for a piece of his Angel.

Only, he approached their bedroom and could head lewd gasps and noises through the door. Crowley's jealously flared, and thinking that Aziraphale had someone else in there with him nearly took the door off its hinges as he barged in.

He was met by a very shocked, pink faced Aziraphale, licking cake frosting from one hand, whilst the other gripped at his cock with halted action, having previously been pumping furiously.

Crowley always knew it would come to this. He just didn't think it would be so soon.

"Am I interrupting something, Angel?" he asked, facetiously.

Aziraphale's face reddened further. "I thought you'd be a bit longer with the car. I didn't realise you'd-"

"Yes! Well, I wanted to get a start on tuning _your_ engine, but it looks like you've already started without me." Crowley gave a shit-eating grin, and waggled his eyebrows.

Aziraphale faltered, unable to find his words. For once.

"It's not- it's not what it looks like," he stammered eventually, keeping his hands where they were, with no action to hide them.

"You mean you're not getting yourself off whilst indulging in the sin of gluttony, licking cake frosting from your fingers, and whatever it is you've probably shoved up your arse."

"It's an eclair," Aziraphale admitted quietly, staring wide eyed at Crowley's perfect recount of the situation.

Crowley nearly choked. He'd merely jested that Aziraphale would've gone the extra mile and seen to his back end as well, but he hadn't actually expected him to.

He was picturing the long, chilled pastry, half stuck out of Aziraphale's backside, getting squeezed as the Angel got more excited and worked up, pushing the cream filling from the tip and onto the mattress-

"Let me join in," Crowley said, voice hoarse and desperate.

"I beg your pardon?" Aziraphale's brows drew together in confusion. He finally sat up, leaving go of his cock. He gave a little jump and a sound of annoyance. "Oh there goes the eclair..."

Crowley was so hot around the collar, he couldn't even remember what had transpired in the garage that afternoon. The only thing he could think about was digging around the Angel's bottom with his fiendishly long forked tongue, laping up every last bit of pastry and cream until the Angel was writhing and screaming his name.

He eagerly tore off his shirt, and began to unbutton his trousers.

"Crowley, seriously, you want to do this with me?" Aziraphale asked dubiously.

"More than anything, Angel."

"But...I'm having sex with food."

Crowley shrugged, hopping out of his jean's gracelessly, one leg at a time. "I dig it."

"You _dig_ it??" Aziraphale asked confused.

"It means I'm into it. And I'm into you. Please let me get into you," Crowley more or less begged, finally pulling his boxers down off his hips with a _thwip_.

Aziraphale hummed, raising an eyebrow. "Looks like I'll be the one getting into you," he said approvingly.

Crowley looked down. Right. He's sporting a vagina today. This is a good look.

"You didn't fancy...placing your penis... **into** certain parts of the Bentley today...?" Aziraphale continued, shyly curious.

"Oh, uh, no. Today I mostly had fun with the gear stick- look, are we doing this or not?" the Demon asked impatiently, hands on his hips.

"By all means, my dear." Aziraphale gestured to him to lay on the bed. "I know _exactly_ what I'm going to do with the Effort you've made today. First we have to get rid of that _new car smell_ -"

"It doesn't have a smell!" Crowley raged, affronted but laying languishly on the bed anyway.

"I jest, my dear. You always smell wonderful, whatever Effort you're making." Crowley grumbled at this. "And I know just what to add to it to make it even more delectable. How do you feel about whipped cream?"

As Aziraphale finished asking the question, he held a can of squirty whipped cream in his hand, as if (definitely) by magic, an eager look on his face.

Crowley considered it, before resigning. "It's a good thing our corporations can't get yeast infections."

"I wholeheartedly agree."

After the squirty can ran to empty, tickling Crowley's sensitive insides, and prompting Aziraphale to miracle up a new tin, lips and tongue swollen from delighted overuse, Crowley let out a little whine.

"Angel, I know you're enjoying yourself, and I am too, but I was hoping I'd get to taste some of that eclair of yours that you're holding for safe keeping."

Aziraphale looked up from between his legs, milk moustache glistening on his top lip, brows pulled together. He answered by pulling the cans trigger, smearing cream noisily all over Crowley's mons and down his well seen to labia and clitoris. Then he let out a bashful smile.

"My dear, I thought you'd never ask. It's a little smushed, but I've kept it cool in there. Now, would you like the pillow end, or the foot end?"

Crowley let out a growl of anticipation, pulling his giggling Angel up to him, and angled his hips towards him. The Demon licked his lips at the feast he was presented, and dove right in.

**Author's Note:**

> Overall, I think I ended up in the middle of the range of 'sex whilst eating' and 'sexual acts with food' compared with the other stories that were presented. Check ut the other stories in the collection if you like cursed, cursed content.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Like, seriously. How did you make it to the end of this? Please share with me your secret in the comments. Also, comment if you enjoyed. I need to know. As always, Kudos are appreciated too, but I totally understand if none are left.
> 
> If you enjoyed this hot mess, and you haven't already done so, consider reading the Crack fic I wrote and posted last week:  
> [The incorrect use of a fuel inlet.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352815)  
> I die a little more inside everytime I read it.
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/joseyxneko).  
> (Don't mention this story there. Just don't.)


End file.
